HOW TO INSTALL A SOUTHERN HOME SECURITY SYSTEM 1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14 -16 men’s work boots. 2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine. 3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines. 4. Leave a note …
Category Archives: Humor
Dead duck
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, “I’m sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.” The …
Parking lot warning (for men this time).
BE CAREFUL OUT THERE! It’s that season again! Warning for Older Men! Clever Scam…warn your friends!! This is very serious stuff! Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it …
Talking dog forsale.
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale ‘ He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice …
Bubba and Billy Bob are walking down the street
Bubba and Billy Bob are walking down the street in Atlanta, and they see a sign on a store which reads, “Suits $5.00 each! , shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 each. ” Bubba says to his pal, “Billy Bob, look here! We could buy a whole gob of these, take ‘em back to Sand Mountain, …
masculine or feminine nouns
A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English , nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. > ‘House’ for instance, is feminine: ‘la casa.’ > > ‘Pencil,’ however, is masculine: ‘el lapiz.’ > > A student asked, ‘What gender is ‘computer’?’ Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split …
THE PASTOR’S CAT
This particular story just made me laugh. Every time I think about it, the vision of that poor cat just amuses me to no end. Hope the story leaves a bright spot in your day.Whoever said our Creator doesn’t have a sense of humor? Dwight Nelson recently told a true story about the pastor of …
The Christmas Pageant
THE CHRISTMAS PAGEANT My husband and I had been happily married (most of the time) for five years but hadn’t been blessed with a baby. I decided to do some serious praying and promised God that if he would give us a child, I would be a perfect mother, love it …
Paraprosdokian Sentences
A paraprosdokian (from Greek meaning “beyond” and “expectation”) is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an …
Hi handsome, my name is Rose
The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn’t already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her …
