1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of  size 14 -16 men’s work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a  copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.

3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the  boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads  ……

Bubba,

Bertha, Duke,  Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don’t mess with  the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don’t  think Reagan took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I  locked all four of ‘em in the house. Better wait outside. Be right  back.

Cooter

God: Sure…

Me: Promise you won’t get mad!  … … …

God: I promise

Me: Why did you let so much stuff happen to me today?

God: What do you mean?

Me: Well, I woke up late,

God: Yes,Me: My car took forever to start,

God: Okay,

Me: At lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait,

God: Hmmmm…

Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call…..

God: All right,

Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home I just wanted to soak my      feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn’t work!!! Nothing      went right today! Why did you do that?

God: Let me see, the Death Angel was at your bed this morning & I had      to send one of the other angels to battle him for your life. I let you      sleep through that,

Me (humbled): OH

GOD: I didn’t let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your      route that would have hit you if you were on the road,

Me (ashamed)………

God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn’t      want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn’t afford to miss work,

Me (embarrasses): Ok,

God: Your phone went dead because the person that was calling was going to      give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn’t even let you      talk to them so you would be covered.

Me (softly): I see God,

God: Oh yea and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to      throwout all of the power in your house tonight. I didn’t think you wanted to      be in the dark.

Me: I’m sorry God

God: Don’t be sorry, just learn to trust me…..in all things, the good      & the bad.

Me: I will trust you

God: And don’t doubt that my plan for your day is always better than your  plan.

 JFK’S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in  France  in the early 60′s when DeGaulle decided to pull out of NATO.  DeGaulle said he wanted all US  military out of France as soon as possible.

 Rusk responded,

“Does that include those who are buried here?”

 
 
DeGaulle 
did not respond.

You 
could have heard a pin drop.

 
 
 
 
 
 
When in  England  ,

at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the 
Archbishop of Canterbury  if our plans for  Iraq  were just an example of 
‘empire building’ by George Bush.

 
 
He answered by saying,

“Over the years, the United States has sent many of 
its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom 
beyond our borders.  The only amount of land we have ever asked for 
in return is enough to bury those that did not 
return.”

 

You 
could have heard a pin drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 
There was a conference in France

where a number of international engineers 
were taking part, including French and American.  During a break, 
one of the French engineers came back into the room saying, “Have you 
heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft 
carrier to  Indonesia  to help the tsunami victims.  What does he 
intend to do, bomb them?”

 
A Boeing engineer

stood up and replied quietly:  “Our carriers have three 
hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are 
nuclear powered and can supply emergency  electrical power to 
shore facilities; they have three  cafeterias with the capacity to 
feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand 
gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a 
dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and 
from their flight deck.  We have eleven such ships;

how many does France have?”

 

You 
could have heard a pin drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 
A  U.S. Navy Admiral

was attending a naval conference that included 
Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French 
Navies  At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large 
group of officers that included personnel from most of those countries. 
Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a 
French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many 
languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, “Why is it that 
we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than 
speaking French?”

 
Without hesitating,

the American Admiral replied, “Maybe it’s because the 
Brit’s, Canadians, Aussie’s and Americans arranged it so you wouldn’t 
have to speak German.”
 

You 
could have heard a pin drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 
AND 
THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE…

 
Robert Whiting,

an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane.

At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport

in his carry on.

 
“You 
have been to France before, monsieur?” the customs officer asked 
sarcastically.

 
Mr. Whiting

admitted that he had been to France  
previously..

 
“Then 
you should know enough to have your passport ready.”

 
The American said,

“The last time I was here, I didn’t have to show it.”

 
“Impossible.. 
Americans always have to show their passports on arrival in France !”

 
The American senior

gave the Frenchman a long hard look.  Then he 
quietly explained, ”Well, when I came ashore at  Omaha Beach  on D-Day in 
1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn’t find a single Frenchmen 
to show a passport to.”

You 
could have heard a pin drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If 
you are proud to be an American, pass this on! If not, delete it.

I am proud to be of this land, AMERICA

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, “I’m sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”

The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead,” replied the vet.

“How can you be so sure?” she protested.. “I mean you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.” 

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room.

He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front  paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at  the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.

A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.”

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$250?” she cried, “$250 just to tell me my duck is dead?”

The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $250.”

It’s that season again!

  
 Warning for Older Men!

 Clever Scam…warn your friends!!

 This is very serious stuff!
 
Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc.  This is the first warning I have seen for men.  I wanted to pass it on in case you haven’t heard about it.  This will only become more commonplace as the holiday’s get closer.  This is a ‘heads up’ for those men who may be regular Lowe’s, Home Depot, or Sam’s Club customers.  This one caught me by surprise.
 
Over the last couple weeks I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. 

Simply going out to get some simple Christmas gifts has turned out to be quite traumatic.  Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends.
 
 Here’s how the scam works:
 
Two seriously good-looking 20-something girls come over to your car dressed as Santa’s Helpers as you are packing your shopping into the trunk.  They both start helping you pack your stuff into your vehicle.  What catches your eye is the very short bright Red Santa helper miniskirts they are wearing and the tight fitting Deep “V” neck red top shirt with their breasts almost falling out.  It is impossible not to look.
 
 When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say ‘No’ and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds to get some hot cocoa and a snack.
 
You agree and they get into the back seat.  On the way, they start undressing.  Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.  Last year I had my wallet stolen Nov 24th, 26th 28th 29th, 30th, twice on Dec 1st, 2nd, and 3rd, and very likely again this upcoming year.
 

So tell your friends to be careful!! What a horrible way to take advantage of older men during this holiday season.  Warn your friends to be vigilant.  These girls will not give up, they have proven it over and over again with me. 
  
 By the way, Target has wallets on sale for $2.99 each.  I found cheaper ones at Wal-Mart for $1.99 and bought them out. 
 Also, you will never get to eat at McDonald’s.  I’ve already lost 14 pounds just running back and forth to Lowe’s, Home Depot, Sam’s Club, Wal-Mart, and Target. 
  
 So please, send this along to all the older men that you know, and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. 
 (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.)

‘When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection.

Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.

Where is the natural order of things in my son?’

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. ‘I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.’

Then he told the following story:

Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, ‘Do you think they’ll let me play?’ I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father<em> I</em> also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, ‘We’re losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we’ll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning..’

Shay struggled over to the team’s bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt.. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay’s team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay’s team scored again.

Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn’t even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the

Plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay’s life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.

The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.

As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over.

The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman.

Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman’s head, out of reach of all team mates.

Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, ‘Shay, run to first!

Run to first!’

Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.

He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, ‘Run to second, run to second!’

Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.

By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball . The smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.

He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher’s intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman’s head.

Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, ‘Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay’

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, ‘Run to third!

Shay, run to third!’

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, ‘Shay, run home! Run home!’

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team

‘That day’, said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, ‘the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world’.

Shay didn’t make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

&nbsp;

The 26th amendment (granting the right to vote for 18 year-olds) took only 3 months & 8 days to be ratified!  Why?  Simple!  The people  demanded it.  That was in 1971… Before computers, before e-mail, before cell phones, etc.
 
Of  the 27 amendments to the Constitution, seven (7) took 1 year or less to become the law of the  land… All because of public pressure. I’m asking each addressee to forward this email to a minimum of twenty people on their address list;  in turn ask each of those to do likewise.
 
In three days, most people in The United States of America will have the message.  This is one idea that really should be passed around.
 
Congressional Reform Act of  2011
   
1.   No Tenure / No Pension.
A  Congressman collects a salary while in office and receives no pay when they are out of office. 
 
2.   Congress (past, present & future) participates in Social Security.
All funds in the Congressional retirement fund move to the Social Security system immediately.  All  future funds flow into the Social Security system, and Congress participates with the American people.  It may not be used for any other purpose.3. Congress can purchase their own retirement plan, just as all Americans do.

4. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise.  Congressional pay will rise by the lower of CPI or 3%.

5. Congress loses their current health care system and participates in the same health care system as the American people.

6. Congress must equally abide by all laws they impose on the American people.

7. All contracts with past and present Congressmen are void effective 1/1/12.
The American people did not make this contract with Congressmen.  Congressmen made all these contracts for themselves.   Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career.  The  Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, so ours should serve their term(s), then go home and back to work.

If each person contacts a minimum of twenty people,it will only take three days for most people (in the U.S.) to receive the m

essage.  Maybe it is time.
THIS IS HOW YOU FIX CONGRESS!!!!!
 

If  you agree with the above, pass it on.   If not, just delete.  You are one of my 20+.  Please keep it going.

>>>>>law for the words ”under God” to be on our money, then, so be it.

>>>>> 

>>>>>And “if” that same government decides that the “Ten

>>>>>Commandments”are not to be used in or on a government installation, then,so be it.

>>>>> 

>>>>>I say, ”so be it,”because I would like to be a law abiding  US  

>>>>>citizen.

>>>>> 

>>>>>I say, ”so be it,” because I would like to think that smarter

>>>>>people than I are in positions to make good decisions.

>>>>> 

>>>>>I would like to think that those people have the American public’s

>>>>>best interests at heart.

>>>>> 

>>>>> 

>>>>>BUT, YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I’D LIKE?

>>>>> 

>>>>>      Since we can’t pray to God, can’t Trust in God and cannot

>>>>>post His Commandments in Government buildings, can’t have Christmas or Easter decorations in government buildings or on land,   I don’t believe the Government (Federal, State and Local) and its employees should participate in the Easter and Christmascelebrations   which honor the God that our government is eliminating from many facets of American life.

>>>>> 

>>>>>I’d like my mail delivered on Christmas, Good Friday, Thanksgiving

>>>>>& Easter. After all, it’s just another day.

>>>>> 

>>>>>I’d like the”  US Supreme Court to be in session on Christmas, Good

>>>>>Friday, Thanksgiving & Easter as well as Sundays.” After all, it’s just another day.

>>>>> 

>>>>>I’d like the Senate and the House of Representatives to not have to

>>>>>worry about getting home for the “Christmas Break.” After all it’s just another day.

>>>>> 

>>>>>    I’m thinking that a lot of my taxpayer dollars could be saved,

>>>>>if all government offices & servicespersonnelwould work on Christmas, Good Friday & Easter.   It shouldn’t cost any overtime since those would be just like any other day of the week to a government that is trying to be ”politically correct.”

>>>>> 

>>>>> 

>>>>>In fact….

>>>>> 

>>>>>I think thatour government should work on Sundays (initially set

>>>>>aside for worshipping God….) because, after all, our government says that  it should be just another day….

>>>>> 

>>>>> 

>>>>>What do you all think????

>>>>> 

>>>>>If this idea gets to enough people,maybe our elected officials will

>>>>>stop giving in to the “minority opinions”   and begin, once again,   to represent the “majority” of ALL of the American people. SO BE IT………..

>>>>> 

>>>>>Please Dear Lord,

>>>>>Give us the help needed to keep you in our country! ‘Amen’ and

>>>>>’Amen’

>>>>> 

>>>>> 

>>>>> 

>>>>>These are definitely things I never thought about but from now on,

>>>>>I will be sure to question those in government who support these changes..

>>>>> 

>>>>>At the top, it says “I hope this makes its way around the    USA

>>>>>several times over!!!!!”

>>>>> 

>>>>>Let’s see that it does.

Just a reminder to all: purchase a box, keep one in your car, pocketbook, wallet, bedside, etc. 

 
Bayer is making crystal aspirin to dissolve under the tongue. They work much faster than the tablets.  < BR>
Why keep aspirin by your bedside?
About Heart Attacks

There are other symptoms of an heart attack besides  the pain on the left arm.
One must also be aware of  an intense pain on the chin, as well as nausea and lots of sweating, however these symptoms may also occur less frequently.
Note: There may be NO pain in the chest during a heart attack..  The majority of people (about 60%) who  had a heart attack during th eir sleep, did not wake up.  However, if it occurs, the chest pain may wake you up from your deep sleep.

If that happens:
-         immediately dissolve 2 aspirin  in your mouth
-         and swallow them with a bit of water

Afterwards : 
        CALL 911
-  say  “heart attack!”
-  say that you have  taken 2 aspirins.. 
-  phone a neighbor or a  family member who lives very close by
-  take a seat on a chair or sofa near the front door, and wait for their arrival  and….
~  DO NOT lie down ~ 

A Cardiologist has stated that, if each person, after receiving this e-mail, sends it to 10 people, probably one life can be saved!

I have already shared the information- – What about you?

Do forward this message; it may save a life

Correct Time to Drink Water….Very Important

From A Cardiac Specialist!

Drinking water at certain time maximizes it’s effectiveness on the body:

2 glasses of water after waking up – helps activate internal organs
1 glass of water 30 minutes before a meal – helps digestion
1 glass of water before taking a bath – helps lower blood pressure
1 glass of water before going to bed – avoids stroke or heart attack

Please pass this to the people you care about…….I DID!!!!